I am slowly recovering from the stress of this week. I'm OK now. I think this is just another episode where my mind slowly went into panic mode and the mental BS ran wild. I felt it coming and tried to reached out for assistance from my T. Maybe she didn't understand what was going on. Then again maybe she clearly understood felt I needed to cope with this on my own.

At this point I think we were on different pages this week. I needed a comfort session because of my impending surgery and she was obviously focused on moving me forward.

I think she was trying to convey during the session is that we haven't been very successful in dealing with my anxiety because I am reluctant to talk about it. And when I do talk about what causes it, it tends to trigger more anxiety which is counterproductive. I get what she was saying now, but all I was able to receive that day was "you refuse to talk about stuff so I can't help you."

I guess since I was already in a state of anxiety and very concerned that the therapy session was going to trigger me more if I tried to really get into talking about stuff...I don't know getting the message that therapy isn't working because I can't tolerate talking at the time when I had a real legitimate reason for fearing being triggered just made me feel like a big failure.

I think under other circumstances I would have responded better to what she said... it was just bad timing I guess.
I sent her a short message yesterday apologizing for being overly sensitive to her comments and for misinterpreting the stuff she tried to tell me. She hasn't responded to me since I wrote her the evening before my surgery. It would have been nice if she just acknowledge receiving this; but I didn't ask for a reply, so I just need to assume that we will address this issue in 2 weeks.

Bottom line, I survived with out having her comforting me... maybe this a good thing for me to remember too.