sorry guys. its me AGAIN. with yet another problem. and this.. scares me.
ive always been hung up about my weight. all but one of my friends are stick thin. and im this fat 5'6" lump of crud. ive tried eating healthily. and dieting. and nothings helped. for no (apparent) reason i put on a few pounds recently.
then on wednesday a guy made a comment about my weight.
on my way home i couldnt stop thinking about it. this is sounding so cliched and retarded but i stopped just before my road.
i could either decide to go to the chip shop five minutes away or just go home and not eat. and i stood there in the freezing cold for a while.
i decided to go home... and when i was there i shut myself in my room. and just gawped at myself in the mirror. fat thighs. fat feet. belly so big i could be nine months pregnant. but what really got me was that stupid grotesque double chin. i just started to cry. and for ages i just stood, like i had outside, thinking. and looking at how... fat i am.
so when my mum called me to diner that night i just said id had a big lunch. i deliberately avoided my parents the next morning and said i didnt have time for breakfast. i stayed at a friends till late that night to avoid eating dinner. or anything.
then came today. and i was so hungry my eyes were watering. ive had three packets of sugarfree gum, six diet cokes and three cups of green tea since that comment. (plus water.)
mum made me dinner and i said i had homework and took it down to my room
i didnt want to eat it but i was just so hungry... so i just ate really quickly. and almost instantly i started to feel sick. my stomach felt too full.
so i ran to the bathroom and after a while of trying, purged. it was disgusting. and something i dont want to do ever again. i dont think i even got much out.. but my throats burning.. my eyes are stinging...
after a lot of gagging and sobbing, i just sat there crying.
eventually i wiped my mouth and splashed my face.
mum was on the sofa watching tv with my little sister, some hospital program. i was trying not to break into f*cking tears again at this point
i said "mum.. mum i need to talk" and she just said "shh im watching casualty."
and turned her back on me. so im guessing theres no point in telling her. and i dont know what to do. i cant get her on her own, shes ALWAYS busy. i cant tell my friends. theyre just gonna force me to eat again.. then ill feel like i did today, just needing to get it outa my system. i feel fat. and disgusting. i just want to be thin like everyone else. im trying, ive tried so hard.
arrgh i guess theres no point in posting this cause (and no offence intended) im just gonna get told to tell her and tell a teacher and get help, when its nothing that major). i just want to know.. what i can REALLY do...

i just needed to get this out... this forums helped me when im feeling like this before.
sorry for being a pain in the ***.
x