Don't want to go to sleep... crying my eyes out... hurt so bad, triggered so bad... my heads spinning... I haven't cut, but I've hurt myself another way... I'm ok... I won't do anything to me... I'm just a mess... a big big mess... I just need it to stop... the memories, the images, the nightmares... everything that's reminding me (they're not THE problems) they just remind me and make the scars deeper. This gaping hole inside me, this void.. just getting bigger... one minute think great, I feel fantastic I can do this, I'm gonna be ok I'm so happy... and I always go back to bottom... but it's nt being high and being low... it's being high then being rock rock bottom, not coping. But the highs do't last anywhere near as lonng. I feel suffocated, need to get stff out, I can't... I'm looking at buying a dictaphone... maybe I can speak everything 'cause if I write, it doesn't work... but I can't speak it either... it's here in my head... can't get it out... I know what i want to say... how I want to say it... it just WILL NOT COME!
I'm scared....
I haven't a clue what I've wrote, I don't care. I just started and just did... it's not even stuff I want to get out it's just nonsence and if anyones read any of this at al... anyone whos read all the way to the end, I'm sorry...
I need... pain... out... just go.....