Minime,

you are allowed to be angry - you are allowed to shout and scream and let it go out of your system - if it helps you to hate this man at this time then so be it - when I want to cut myself i see in my mind my therapist telling me i can do this that i dont need to harm myself - that things will be ok - - and I repeat this over and over to myself - you can do this

Can you ring your T - maybe it would help to talk to them sooner rather than later - but remember you are NOT ALONE

If I lived next door I would come over and we would punch pillows and write his name on a piece of paper and tear it up ( I did that with my attackers name) then somthing would make us laugh - probably at how silly we looked! hey I bet there would be a busload of us coming over! -
if you cant ring your T then is there a friend you can talk to ?
YOU CAN DO THIS ! second by second if necessary - try the counting thing - say 1 take a breath say something you see and its colour - keep going till you get to 12 things and start over if needs be - YOU CAN DO THIS - P7