silver, I haven't had as many troubles like the ones you've had, but the way I have dealt with things is just like what you're describing. I can be an ice queen. I was TAUGHT to be. Emotions weren't a subject of discussion for me either. I didn't even realize I was doing it until it was too late. Now it's a coping skill that doesn't work, and has a large part caused the depression I'm in now.

What I have been learning, everything has told me to get the feelings out. Unloading on other people is ok.
I know you have troubles accepting that.

I have always been the type of person who will put others over myself and try to help my friends first, and my feelings didn't matter. But first off, in order to help others you need to be ok yourself. Also, you can still help the people you want to, AND share with them your feelings, even the negative.

The other thing, is that if you don't share with your friends in a way it's not quite fair, and doesnt lend to as deep a relationship. I'm not saying you have to go to a stranger, just to someone you know and know cares about you, and you care about them.

In order to not feel alone, I think we have to trust and share some of us.
If not, it becomes a one way street. Everything comes in to you, and nothing comes out. People can generally feel more connected to you if you do explain to them how you feel, making a friendship closer. The bond strengthens because it is being built from both sides.

We're humans, we HAVE feelings, we should NOT be numb/happy, we should FEEL. We are allowed to feel and EXPRESS these feelings.

Then the next question.... HOOWWWWWWWW????!!!!

That's what I've learned. I think you need to learn some of this for yourself/from personal experiences (although to do that you have to be open to the idea)

I hope this makes some sense to you.