i applaud you for expressing yourself harmelssly in this way, with words that we can understand, thoughts that we can relate to, emotions we can feel... ways to understand each other are always so helpful as we heal.. i am wishing you continued success as you work your way through all these feelings.. in time the pain falls away and leaves a fresher feeling like renewing.. you feel very far and distant from that place now but keep striving and you will arrive... sending cares and hopes that all your pains may end in a smoother manner for you in the future..