This is very true, thanks, Phoenix7. It also helps now that I know what these episodes are--before I got treatment, I thought I was just crazy and weird. It helps a lot to be able to name what is going on and to know that it will, eventually, pass.

I know! I thought I would be done with therapy after a few months. Now I look back at the last few years and see how far I've come--and know I have a long road ahead of me, too.

I only have to be around the abuser for one day--Christmas dinner. There will be other people around, so I know it will be manageable, but I think just the anticipation and dread and memories of bad holidays in the past just builds up. I've got lots of good coping strategies to use this month--I need to start putting them in place. I tend to freeze up and forget what I can do to feel better. Perhaps I need to post them on my fridge so I don't forget, lol!

I know life's not fair, but I can get angry about it.

You're right about resistance only making things more powerful. Believe it or not, this post is pretty impressive for me, as I never once criticized myself for the symptoms ("I'm overreacting; I'm making a big deal; I just need to get over it;" etc.) My acceptance is growing, but sometimes I just bend so much to it that I start to snap.

The holiday season is hard for me, as for many others, because I have bad memories associated with it. It is also hard because my support system people are all spending time with their families, so not only am I without their support, I'm jealous because I don't get pleasure from spending time with my family.

I'm sorry I'm not being more appreciative for your support, guys, I'm just cranky. I am grateful you took the time to respond to me so thoughtfully.