Capp,

Thank you. Yes I am in a 12 step program. I've gotten so much from AA. I think part of me is feeling the NOW WHAT second year blues. I'm reading a book called second year sobriety that I got from hazelden, and I'm relating to a lot of it.

As for Christmas, once I stop being sorry for myself, I do know that I have options. Our local intergroup runs an all day drop in with live music and meetings on the 25'th so I can always go to that. Plus I know I'll see friends over the holidays. And I'm on vacation from work starting on the 16'th - so I know I can really ramp up the number of meetings I go to. I don't know if it's like this where you live, but up here, all the groups have Christmas grattitude meetings, which are usually by candle light, with food, where everyone shares about what they're grateful for. I really like them. And there are at least 9 in my immediate area that I can go to. My home groups is on the 15'th, and we always have a really yummy potluck so I'm looking forward to that.

I know that part of what's got me down / stressing is knowing I'm going to be on vacation. Yes I'm really looking forward to the vacation, but being home alone and feeling lonely is a really big trigger for me to drink. Lately my head has been telling me, that it would be ok, to just drink for a couple of days, except I know that that would be a major disaster so I'm not going to. I've planned all kinds of fun things to do on my time off so that I'm not stuck at home alone, and like I said I can always double up on meetings.

I just always get down at Christmas, and this one seems to be worse for some reason. But it's not worth losing my sobriety over.

--splitimage