I am sick of this damned ride. I thought it sucked when my 4-month long manic episode ended, with my long-term BF walking out on me right as I was crashing. Since then, I've been to a new pdoc and been put on Lithium, which has done wonders for me in the short 5 weeks I've been on it...until the rug got pulled out from underneath me a few days ago.

I found out that, in order to continue with my new pdoc (who is at a grant-funded facility as I am dirt poor and have been denied Medicaid 3 times) I have to start paying $50 a visit as opposed to the $5 I have been paying. (Where is this money gonna come from? I'm still on medical leave from work.) And, on the same day, I found out my case is being "shuffled" to yet ANOTHER therapist (3rd one in a month). How is therapy supposed to help if you can't build a STABLE rapport with ONE therapist? I know I can always call my original therapist whenever I need to, but I still need that structured, clinical setting.

I am so irritated with the grant-funded clinic I have been going to, I've decided that after my last $5 visit with the pdoc, I'm done - therapy, him, everything.

My family doctor had to pick up the slack of my medical leave, as the politics of said clinic don't allow the pdoc's to do anything with medical leaves. I have to see him after my 6-week check with this pdoc, and I am hoping he will take on my med management, as I have to go to his office for my 3 month blood draws as it is. I have been his patient for over 15 years, so hopefully he will say yes, because I refuse to go back to the clinic he exclusively refers his patients to, as they mismanaged my care, and are the reason for my manic episode in the first place.

I have tried every avenue I can think of, but because I actually HAVE a job, I don't qualify for county assistance either. I’m not eligible thru my work for health benefits, as I’m only considered part-time (less than 32 hours/week) I have tried, through my union rep, to get enrolled in the company healthcare, even offering to pay DOUBLE what a full-timer would pay, but to no avail.

Somebody, please stop this damn rollercoaster….I want off.

Jenn