[quote=skeksi;885563]It also helps now that I know what these episodes are--before I got treatment, I thought I was just crazy and weird. It helps a lot to be able to name what is going on and to know that it will, eventually, pass.

this was a hard part for me - the waves of emotion would attack me an I had been numb for so long I had no idea what they were - My T actually had to say well thats a fight or flight responce or that's fear - thats hyper vigilence kicking in - it helped a lot to be able to name them but was still frustrating because I wanted them gone NOW!

I thought I would be done with therapy after a few months. Now I look back at the last few years and see how far I've come--and know I have a long road ahead of me, too.

Wouldnt it be nice if there was a table that said - ok for sexual abuse you have ptsd for 3 months, for being attacked 4 months etc and you could say well ok then in 7 months I will be ok again! I think I drove my T crazy with my WHEN WILL THIS BE OVER!!!!!! and he would just say everyone heals at their own time - but i wanted it over NOW and often when I feel im back in the storm that I call PTSD I still stamp my feet and scream inside that I want it over NOW!

I only have to be around the abuser for one day--Christmas dinner. There will be other people around, so I know it will be manageable, but I think just the anticipation and dread and memories of bad holidays in the past just builds up.

Hopefully there will be supportive people there - and lots of people so you can use them as a distraction - I hope it goes well for you.

I've got lots of good coping strategies to use this month--I need to start putting them in place. I tend to freeze up and forget what I can do to feel better. Perhaps I need to post them on my fridge so I don't forget, lol!

dont worry I do the same and then afterwards I wonder why I didnt use the techniques Ive been taught - but you know what - somtimes I do use them and I try to focus on that rather than the times I dont - as my T would say when I whinged about not ahndling something well - You can do better next time - so simple yet it never occurred to me. (and putting them up on your fridge - good idea - I have notes on my cupboards to remind me of my coping techniques and things like - "today will be a good day" on a small whiteboard I got for $2)

I know life's not fair, but I can get angry about it.
yes you can and you have every right to!

You're right about resistance only making things more powerful.
I know but isnt there times when you just want to push back harder even though you know its the wrong thing to do !

It is also hard because my support system people are all spending time with their families, so not only am I without their support, I'm jealous because I don't get pleasure from spending time with my family.(quote)

I agree with that - part of me is jealous and I hate that part - its not who i want to be - its not who i was - but is it jealous? I mean I dont begrudge them their happiness and maybe you dont either - maybe we are just wishing that we too could have a family that would accept us for who we are and who would love and care for us and keep us safe.

Anyway - I've gone on enough - take care P7