i'm at my wit's end yesterday was my the birthday of my twins and i spent it in hospital. i was a complete idiot to land in here, i was so stressed and tired that i acted irrationally and worried those around me to death.

i have no idea what to do. i worry so much about my boyfriend and i'm so so scared for him he's been so confused and delusional lately. he locked himself in his room (his 'world') for a week, finally came out, and things were tense. i think a clinic would help him so so much and i thought i found a lovely one, but i was informed today they don't accept patients with DID.

his therapist is amazingly helpful and told me of a local clinic that should accept him, and that he'll look into it.

frankly my own health is of little consequence to me now, i just want to go home and see my partner and kids. it's like he's not himself. he's delusional and completely paranoid, he talks to hallucinations and inanimate objects, i don't know if he has any grip on reality these days. he refuses medication, tries to skip therapy. i love him so so so much and it kills me to see him become this confused shell. i know the real him is still there somewhere, he's just shrouded by this fog or something

i'm so helpless, watching this. i hope hope hope this new clinic will have room and he'll agree to go. i have never seen him so ill in my life. he has isolated all his friends it seems and doesn't talk to anyone.

i don't do therapy, i have no friends in this real world i talk to about emotional problems. neither of us deserve this. i barely know anyone here. it's like i barely know ANYONE these days.