I thank you all for your kind words. I know this should lift again. It's just so hard not to panic when you know what's coming will be excruciating. The holidays are here and I'd like to be able to enjoy them with my family. I usually feel worse this time of year and from what I hear that's not unusual. The pressure to be happy just causes anxiety.

I'm glad I joined this site and I think when well enough I can be of assistance to others. I would like that as one thing is certain regarding depression. Those of us that have experienced it are the only ones who can possibly understand how horrifying it feels. It's beyond comprehension for all others. As bitter as it sounds I almost feel like everyone should feel like this just for one day. It sure would clear up a lot of misconceptions.

What's nice here is when someone tells you they know what you're going through. they actually do. It reminds me I'm not suffering alone. Take care everyone. Billy