I'm struggling with staying sober. I've tried AA meetings and the steps and I'm at a point where I don't think this is a solution for me. I don't mean to offend any AA members and I know that people who stay sober using AA are often very defensive about it being the only way to stay sober. I think it's great if AA is working out well for someone. But, I'm wondering if anyone knows of any good alternatives to AA?

I struggle with a spiritual solution to a disease and spirituality is the basis of AA and the 12 steps. I've started reading some books on alternative approaches to AA and seen studies on the percentage of people who get sober on their own. A friend of mine is sober 11 months now but rarely ever goes to AA meetings anymore and never used a sponsor. I just talked to him tonight and he is doing great. He takes in a meeting when he needs it and just tries to get what he can out of it usually someone recalling the negatives of their drinking days. Both my brother and father got sober on their own. I wouldn't consider any of them to be the so called "dry drunk" because they all changed as people for the better after becoming sober.

Here is some history on my struggles to stay sober. This is kind of lenghty so feel free to stop reading here but I'm hoping if I elaborate more than my someone might have some good advice. Here it goes....I first tried to get sober in 2002 and I was sober for 7 1/2 months and was having not too hard a time staying sober when I relapsed for what I thought would be 1 night of drinking. Then staying sober became really hard for me. I had been going to AA but the spiritual part didn't make sense to me. But it helped me through the near death of my Mom at the time because I could go and vent and cry and just speak from my heart and it was a release of all that stress inside. 2003, 2004, and 2005 where basically years filled with "relapse cycles" anywhere from a few days to a few months and everything in between while I went on and off disability from a great career in computer programming. During those times out on disability I went to daytime outpatient group therapy after psych hospital stays. I struggled to get much out of AA during this time. I even went to a rehab in West Palm Beach, Florida for 30 days. In 2005, I had a run in with the law due to being drunk and then moved back with my parents. From that point on for the next two years - I had periods where I stayed sober for 6 months at a time then would relapse for one heavy day of drinking then go another 5 to 6 months before doing the same for a day. Then my Mom got sick and passed away in July 2007 and I started drinking a few times a week for 3 months. I felt terribly guilty (actually still do) because my Dad was fearing for my life and dealing with the passing of his wife of 45 years. It was terrible to put him through that. I went back to a more hard core no frills rehab late Nov 2007 and I was doing really good in it. Two weeks into rehab my Dad was killed in a car accident. All I wanted to do was complete rehab and go home to my Dad and make up for all I had put him through by living a sober life. The insurance offered to keep me in rehab for a total of 3 months since my Dad's unexpected death was a huge trigger considering how my Mom's passing set off my drinking again. I did really well in the 3 months of rehab and enjoyed the AA meetings there. I worked up til the 4th step but still struggled with the spirituality part. But I gave it my all and was working hard. I read 10 different books of AA literature in rehab. The standard Big Book and Step Book along with some halzedon 12 step books. After the 3 month rehab, I went to a recovery house for a few months. Not much recovery was going on in the house outside of not being allowed to drink or else be kicked out. I decided to move to Philadelphia to an apartment. But I had a fight with my sister less than a week before moving out. She brought up different things I did in the past from drinking and how it affected my parents and really laid into me about it. The fight started because I told her I was trying to assert myself and she didn't like that. Not everything she said was true but we both said nasty things to each other. She told me not to contact her anymore and that I couldn't see my nieces and nephew (that I was really close with). I already had horrible guilty issues with my past but hearing it from her just tore me up inside. I have OCD so I ended up obsessing for good parts of my days about everything she said and wrote to me. A week after moving I relapsed. Probably the worst thing was that I had a good time drinking again after getting past the initial guilt. I felt after relapsing that it didn't matter anymore if I was sober because I can't go back and make up the past to my parents. I wanted to stay sober after my Dad's passing unlike I did after my Mom's passing. But when I drank again (after another 7 1/2 months sober) I felt so horrible like my life was over and that I was a piece of ***** and a failure. It just felt like I blew my promise to my late Father and now it didn't matter anymore. Plus my sister basically disowned me before I relapsed and I just felt I had no family anymore. Actually I didn't. I met women at the bars when I relapsed and this just encouraged me to continue going out to the bars again. Drinking and chasing women became a distraction for me. This has gone on for months and I want to stop drinking and stay sober. In another hour it will be my birthday and I'd like to start a sober life and my birthday seems like a perfect day for a start. I was diagnosed with OCD, severe depression and anxiety years before I ever drank and was helped by psychotherpy and medicine so that is part of why I'm looking for a scientific solution. Any advice would be great just as long as it's not the line about no one ever failing that really tried before at AA. Thanks and thanks for reading this far.....