This was so not meant to happen!! Why didn't I use my strength to get them away? I was strong enough, I figured that out in the beginning..

Why oh WHY did I get so drunk last night? To drown my sorrows? Because it was there? because I was bored and wanted something to do? Because it seemed fun, to make me all happy?

I think it's a combination of those things to be perfectly honest.. Oh man.. What am i gonna do now?! I'm so damned stupid!! Why do I let myself do these things when it only lands me in trouble?! And now, the health and wellbeing worker, Jason, is going to do that test with me again and ask how many times I've had an alcoholic drink this week.. 5/7 days.. Is that bad for just a one off when I normally have like one night a week that I drink?

Man, I'm so weak, so tired, so ill how the hell do I sort this stupid mess out? Stupid me, stupid, idiotic, dumb me. I can't believe what an idiot I am.. Sorry.. Moan over..