I do have a T, but I just know that she'll make me go to the police.. I know it.. She will.. I can't. Although I was drunk, I still let it happen.. Does that matter, or because I was so drunk, would that go for me and not against me? Man, I don't know what I'm doing or anything.

I was supposed to be seeing my mental health worker at college today, but have had to cancel because I'm planning on seeing my twin and adoptive mum (NOOOO!! More scary stuff!!) I'm so not prepared!! I'm probably going top look so crappy and feel so crappy and be so distracted and.. Ohhhh, this is not good, it's really not good

I know I can't change last night, but surely I should've learned my lessons from the other times? I mean.. I never went this far, but still.. I'll never do that again, I'm not ever going near that car, or that place or anything.. Man, there are so many places I am banning myself from now because of horrific past experiences..

i mean.. I'll never go out drinking with a guy, I'll never let myself be alone with a guy incase he turns nasty, I'll never go anywhere with a guy on my own.. I'm so strict with myself because of so many nasty experiences..

I can't bear to think about it.