My Support Forums - View Single Post

Capp · Dec 08, 2008, 09:48 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by splitimage

Capp,

Thank you. Yes I am in a 12 step program. I've gotten so much from AA. I think part of me is feeling the NOW WHAT second year blues. I'm reading a book called second year sobriety that I got from hazelden, and I'm relating to a lot of it.

As for Christmas, once I stop being sorry for myself, I do know that I have options. Our local intergroup runs an all day drop in with live music and meetings on the 25'th so I can always go to that. Plus I know I'll see friends over the holidays. And I'm on vacation from work starting on the 16'th - so I know I can really ramp up the number of meetings I go to. I don't know if it's like this where you live, but up here, all the groups have Christmas grattitude meetings, which are usually by candle light, with food, where everyone shares about what they're grateful for. I really like them. And there are at least 9 in my immediate area that I can go to. My home groups is on the 15'th, and we always have a really yummy potluck so I'm looking forward to that.

I know that part of what's got me down / stressing is knowing I'm going to be on vacation. Yes I'm really looking forward to the vacation, but being home alone and feeling lonely is a really big trigger for me to drink. Lately my head has been telling me, that it would be ok, to just drink for a couple of days, except I know that that would be a major disaster so I'm not going to. I've planned all kinds of fun things to do on my time off so that I'm not stuck at home alone, and like I said I can always double up on meetings.

I just always get down at Christmas, and this one seems to be worse for some reason. But it's not worth losing my sobriety over.

--splitimage

splitimage,
I so relate to that second year blues--I turned into a smurf for most of that time...

Oh wow on your groups plans! I love the candlelit potlucks...some of us are not good cooks--like me--and it hides the labels from the local grocery store. They always appreciate the ton of business I give them this time of year.

"home alone and feeling lonely" Oh Joy. I felt that way, too, and I was surrounded by family and friends--all waiting to see if I was going to sneak a drink/drug.

What they didn't realize was I would have blatantly done it!
Naw, I wasn't defensive or anything...lol.
And the door did hit my arse when I left to go to yet another meeting...I could hear their sighs of relief for 14 city blocks.
I did what I had to do, though, and it kept me belligerently sober. At that time, holidays bordered on making me resentful about not drinking...
Then it dawned on me that I could make a conscious decision to stay sober and clean or get drunk/high/both. I didn't want to lose what I had--and that covers many things--just for a short-lived float-in-feel-good.
'Course the lights on the tree didn't have that special glow without something in my body...so I took my glasses off and achieved the same affect.

Yep, the seduction of just a few wouldn't hurt and I could always stop again. Then the memory of detox kicked in and scared the bejesus out of me.

"I know I have another drink/high in me. I know I don't have another recovery in me." So very true for me! Hey, when you are a unique antique you forget many things, but this is one I didn't forget...quite possibly because of the tattoo of it on my forehead? Cost me a fortune to have it removed, cost me a fortune for the makeup I then had to use out of respect for those used to color on my face...

splitimage, I sometimes use jokes about these things. It's not denying their difficulties, though. For me, if I don't find something to at least smile about then I'm in trouble...even if I have to use duct tape to put on that smile.
I can hop on my purple porcelain pity pot in a nano second.
I have to watch it because of my addictions, but also for my disabilities. I can take up residence in Woe-Is-Me if I have a hangnail, and I believe you understand how easy it can be to do it.

I believe in you.
Cap