the psychologist i saw 2 times, knew i was severly sexually abused over a period of 10 years. he knew i did not want to name the person. he knew i was around 8 when it turned more brutal. he knew enough and i told him i wasnt ready to talk about it.
he attacked me verbally, told me i was wasting his time, he kept asking what happened, he kept asking why i like pain, he kept referring to who, and kept pushing and pushing. i told him i couldnt talk about it. i just wanted to try to deal with my mood swings THATS ALL. he kept asking. and i started to cry. he told me i was acting like an 8 year old little girl and that i needed to grow up. (he also put a hold on all my refills and said he bets i cant last a week without meds before i try to kill myself.)

he made me tell him to stop. he said "tell me to stop, say those words..." the words he knows ended 10 years of abuse when i was 15. and i said it. and i couldnt breathe. i panicked. he opened his door said i wasted his time, and i stood in the hallway trying to stop crying for at least 30 minutes. trying to space out.

so i had to go to urgent care cuz i slit my ankles with my pocket knife, i had to call the suicide hotline that night, get on a lot of ativan, and i will never go back to see him even if my life depends on it

i filed an anonymous complaint.

the psychiatrist i saw said the only option for meds for me was lithium. i will not take that med. i told him that. he said if i did not comply he would commit me to the psych hospital. so i took the script, and pretended to be taking it.
i will never see him again, and it sucks cuz they know im paranoid and they fuel it.

they try to push me over the edge.