sadly_me,

You might want to read about ego states as well as the continuum of dissociation. You might fall somewhere on the spectrum scale.


One point to remember here is that even though the motivation for one’s behavior may be unconscious, an ego state is not a dissociative experience. Therefore, when acting from a particular ego state one is still aware of the behavior itself.

http://www.guidetopsychology.com/mpd.htm

There are seven positions on the dissociation continuum:

Everyday Dissociation - driving a familiar route and arriving at our destination with no memory of the journey. It is also a natural important ability we all use in order to function safely or usefully when sudden trauma occurs (almost watching ourselves help someone injured instead of allowing distress to overtake us). We can also use it to achieve a feeling of calm, sometimes used in spiritual or cultural practices. It also includes out-of-body experiences. We can use it to imagine ourselves achieving something (seeing yourself as if watching from a distance).

Depersonalization Disorder - a feeling that your body is unreal, changing or dissolving. Strong feelings that you are detached from your body.

Dissociative Amnesia - not being able to remember important personal information or incidents and experiences that happened at a particular time, which can't be explained by ordinary forgetfulness.

Dissociative Fugue - there is severe amnesia, with moderate to severe identity confusion and often identity alteration. For instance, a person travels to a new location during a temporary loss of identity. He or she may assume a different identity and a new life.

Post-traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) - this person may experience flashbacks, reliving the trauma repeatedly, which causes extreme distress. This, in turn, triggers a dissociative, numbing reaction.

Dissociative Disorder Not Otherwise Specified (DDNOS) - different types of dissociation may occur, but the pattern of mix and severity does not fit any specific dissociative disorder.

Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID) - sometimes called Multi-Personality Disorder (MPD). Someone with DID experiences shifts of identity as separate personalities. Each identity may assume control of behavior and thoughts at different times. Each has a distinctive pattern of thinking and relating to the world. Severe amnesia means that one identity may have no awareness of what happens when another identity is in control.



http://www.ppfoundation.org/pict_DID.asp