Thanks for your input on this ... as I write this note, there have been 39 viewers and 7 replies (I guess a couple of those views are my own) - And "for crying out loud" - look at that post titled "Did you kill anyone" -- 314 views vs 26 replies... very scary to see that. Maybe the viewers are the same ppl who would ask that inane question.

I have to agree with your thoughts on this, but it still gives me the heebie jeebies to be "viewed" like that -- makes me feel like a zoo animal.

One of the effects of PTSD on me (well, at least I've come to blame it on PTSD) is a refusal to discuss my most horrific experiences because showing just the most simple things have made ppl look at me like some strange creature. Oh, they usually say some kind of compassionate thing at the time of the telling, but I can tell they think I'm weird because they never come around again, or they are very careful to only "talk about the weather" or some such thing...never wanting to open that box wher the ugly things live.

Someone asked whether my refusal of friendships is a fear of intimacy ... I think it's more of a fear of how they'll react when they get to know me...I'm not sure "fear" is the right word, but it describes what's going on.

And that business of ppl who are not part of the forum reading this stuff ... ugh ... that really makes me want to stick with the Direct Messages instead of the publicly read forum. I don't know what I'm going to do with all this awareness. Since I thought of it, I just wonder who are these people who read this stuff, who explore these forums where the nightmares hide, the voyeurs of our lives. It's probably not their fault they are like this - I could avoid posting at any time (and I've done that, only to return, drawn like a magnet -- maybe the same reasons as the readers).

Kind of makes me want to say to them "What the .... are you looking at?"
With a fist curled by my side, spring loaded, ready to fly through the air and contact a body part and make a memory for them.

Do you feel like you're caged in a zoo when you look at the number of views vs replies? What kind of reaction do you have to this? Should I just relax and forgetaboutit? My logic tells me that I'm just working myself up over nothing, but at the same time you can see my emotional response.

T.