so sorry you had this experience. i agree with gimmeice about good and not so good T.
you mentioned that you couldn't afford a T at the present time. is it possible you may qualify for some state assistance to get the help you need? or perhaps a crisis line that can offer some suggestions of how to go about getting a t on a sliding scale.
from my experience sometimes we just have to be persistant to get the help we need even if it takes all your mental energy to do that.
i'm glad your sister is available by phone even tho she may not be able to relate to your depression. siblings can at least remind us that we are loved and we all need that reminder especially when we feel so low.
another thing you are doing to help yourself is expressing how you feel at the pc forum. there are many of us that have faced the same challenges and i am sure there will be other suggestons. keep in touch with us here. we care.