Quote:
Originally Posted by ThePainNeverDies
I went. I had to phone the police, the hospital couldn't do anything. I came home and phoned them with a female receptionist here. She was really helpful. I was garteful that she was here.
He couldn't have come with me.. By the time we were finished it was 3am. i cried, I panicked, I was trembling so much, even with four layers of clothing on, I felt frozen. They tried making me say that I only reported it to save myself from my boyfriend breaking up with me. To "prove" to him that it was rape.. I got angry and said that's sick and twisted.. I could never do that. I don't like getting people into trouble, especially if they've done nothing wrong.. And the interviewer sat and listened.. It was awful.. But one thing I really hope is that they got all the tears and anger and panicking on camera. Along with the frustration of not remembering some things..
He loves me? What.. When he says this once I tell him: "I don't know why I ever f*cking stayed with you through all this s**t, because that's all you've ever f*cking given out. S**t. You're not worth it, you really aren't, you screwed in the head, f*cked up. I knew this was going to happen, i should've listened to my parents.
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I'm new here and I only know of you what I've read in this thread. I know you don't need me to tell you that you can't drink at all, but I'll say it anyway. Alcohol interferes with how meds work, and of course is a depressant in itself. It's obvious you're in terrible pain and your life is a mess. I just know self-medicating will destroy your already compromised view of yourself. It's tough to stop but I can tell you from personal experience it's worth it.
Knowing you're not hurting yourself or contributing to your depression is so crucial to self-esteem and potential recovery. It also doesn't give anyone else the opportunity to say your somehow deserving of how your feeling. I never binged or got drunk but I was a habitual beer drinker. After 1 too many relapses I decided to take alcohol out of the equation. Am I feeling great yet, No. Am I proud of that accomplishment and attempt to help myself. Big time.
I am sorry things are so brutal for you right now and I hope I haven't overstepped my bounds regarding the drinking stuff. If you don't have a serious drinking problem that's good, If you do nothing else can be made right until you are sober. I wish you the best and don't let anyone make you feel bad about yourself. You're fighting a terrible illness. Be well. Billy