Quote:
Originally Posted by multipixie9
welcome, sadly me. orange blossom has given you some really important info to think about. just a thought i had to share is that what want to heal shared is true, it is all part of you, your own mind. also you need to remember that you did this to help yourself in a time of overwhelming stress. dissociating this way is a creative tool and defense when things happen that you can't handle as a small child. i am glad now that i dissociated, otherwise i would have had a breakdown. mpd/did is not always fun to deal with, but i am grateful now that i was able to cope in that way so i could survive. hang in there!
leslie and her pixies
|
thank you leslie & pixies
but that's also what worries me...if i am in fact, dissociating...why? i don't recall any type of horrific trauma. there were some stresses in my childhood, but nothing, i wouldn't think, that would cause my mind to do something so drastic.
which begs the question, if i do dissociate, why? do i want to know? if what i do is dissociate - i never ever do it not knowing what i - as a person - am doing at all times. it's not like i "disappear" for hours or days at a time. so why find out? why not live...
this is just too much to think about! why on earth would i ever want to know if something bad happened!!! if i had sense enough not to pay attention to it then...why on earth try an figure it out now!
my "personalities" do not affect my daily life. my depression is what runs me over like a freight train and i know that's chemical. i'm not on my meds now and i'm barely capable of getting through the day. i've got to get them. why does everything have to be so damn hard? breathing is hard! blinking is work! i can't even sit up straight...
i'm sick of this. i'm so sick of this.