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i went through a lot of abuse in childhood and there was some alcohol involved at times. when a person has been hurt by abuse sometimes they need some help to "get past the past". somewhere inside you are still feeling frightened and vulnerable and hurt by the alcoholics in your past.
i would recommend going to a 12 step program like al anon or adult children of alcoholics and begin to work on your own hurts, habits and hang ups that came from living around alcoholic family and boyfriend.
another option is to go see someone who can help you in counseling to work through the pain and fear that are keeping you seeing life through alcohol colored glassses.
anyone with your past and the fear you mention needs some kind of help and there's nothing wrong with that. many people need help dealing with issues in their past that somehow still affect the present and even possibly the future. take care of yourself so you can be well enough to enjoy your life and not live now in fear of the past. i wish you healing and success!
leslie and the pixies
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  HEALING HAPPENS
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