golly but you are hard on yourself! please don't apologize for being upset, and definitely not for talking about it--I'm glad you got it out.

We are so hard on ourselves because of our depression, jmo.
It's no different than having high blood pressure, diabetes, or any other medical condition. Yet there is still a stigma attached to the mentally interesting...
After awhile I got to the point where I didn't give a hoot. I found out who my true friends were, and I was rid of those who weren't.

Please, please be kind to yourself. No matter how small an action of kindness to yourself might be, it's good.

Cap