I was in session today and T wanted to work with me on Cognitive behavior stuff. Well, we were working on some irrational thoughts or behaviors and ways to improve them.

Anyways, something has bothered me for a long time so since we were on the issue, I decided to bring it up, it took quite some nerve to actually speak the words. I said, I know its your job to help me see where my thinking is off but sometimes I feel like I am always being corrected.

She said I am just trying to make you see where your thinking is coming from and trying to get you to change it, its not too make you feel that way.
I said thats just it, I never really allow myself to feel and when I do, there is always some response, like where do you think that is coming from ect. She said well you need to let me know when that is happening in therapy, and how its making you feel.

I said it makes me not want to tell you things because every time I do, its as if I am doing something wrong and when you try to get me to correct it, it makes shut down. Like whats the purpose of me telling you.

I said I know I have alot of stupid thoughts, I know I have alot to change.

The whole point it that I don't allow myself to feel and I finally get the nerve to tell her and she does exactly what I am trying to tell her I don't want to happen.

I so wanted to say, can you just let me feel here, no correction right now just let me feel and tell you how I feel without making me feel like I am doing something wrong.

The session ended right around that time and it was so awkward, I left there feeling like total crap, like she doesn't really care, so whats the point.

I won't see her next week because I will be away on vacation which is the first time in a whole year that I will not have had T during the week. I am sort of looking forward to this, maybe I need a break. I see my new T tomorrow, most of you know I am thinking of switching but I wanted to see the new a few more times before making the switch.

Its just so frustrating. Am I the only one who feels this way? Does your T always correct you when your trying to tell them how or what you feel?

Hangingon