I'm not at all surprised by the doctor. I'm 21, and I started birth control at around age 16, and I'm still a virgin. I didn't end up having my first exam until I was 20 or so. Both the doctors told me it's okay to wait until I have sex first; it would make the exam less painful (and for me, the exam was REALLY painful...) The only reason I even had the exam when I had it was because I asked for it. My cousin had a close friend that died from ovarian cancer at the age of 21 or 22, and I just wanted to get everything checked out. Once I had it done, the doctor told me I didn't need to have a follow-up exam for three years or until I had sex. Once I had sex, she told me I should have one every year, but until then I could wait.

I hope this helps relieve some of your anxiety,
Ro