I get scared that if I get angry then it will give him a reason / excuse to dump me :-(

I got angry at a therapist once because she made me angry with her going on about why I don't express anger so much...

I feel hyper-self-conscious in therapy. Like I'm under the spotlight. Like he is reaching into me somehow and so very sensitive and attuned to my every muscle twitch or flinch or tension. It feels... Invasive. I monitor myself carefully (numbing mostly). Allow gentle bits through sometimes - just so he doesn't know (or doesn't ask me about it or feel too badly about it). But it feels excruciating for me much of the time.

I wish he wouldn't look at me.