Ouch!!!! That kind of therapy is not therapeutic, IMO. My first therapist was loosely CBT, although I didn't know what that was at the time. She did listen quite a bit and let me grieve. She had some simple behavioral suggestions that were not harmful: get more sleep, get more exercise, etc. And she really pushed me to develop my outside support network, which was very useful. But the thinking thing--well, that doesn't really work with me. I can remember just 2 times she tried the "wrong thinking" approach. The first time we were going over how very, very hurt I was by something my H had done, and she wanted me to talk to him about this. I told her I could never do this because then he would say X, Y, and Z and do such and such and I would be devastated. She told me I was catastrophesizing and his reaction wouldn't possibly be that bad. So against my better judgment, I believed her, and had this conversation with my H. That was about the most painful day that year for me. It was even worse than I had warned her about. It was terrible. So I reported back to her next session and I think she learned her lesson--that she needed to trust me, my thoughts, and my judgment. I am a very clear thinker and do not exaggerate. The other time I can remember her pulling the wrong thinking/feeling crap was one time she asked me how something made me feel, and I told her. I honestly shared my feeling with her. And she corrected me!!!! I could not believe it. I said, "well, you asked!!" If she doesn't want to hear my feeling then she should not ask me to share. She said, "fair enough," and she never did that again either. Sheeeesh, if they want you to get close to them and share your thoughts and feelings, they had better be accepting, or the client will just clam up. A main issue of mine is being very contained, and holding in all my emotions. So I need encouragement to express my feelings and actually, to be a bit irrational and just let go. My thinking tends to be very rational and I'm very analytical. I need help with allowing myself to feel, not changing my thinking.

I just finished taking an undergrad psychology course, and the last week, we saw films of various famous therapists doing their brand of therapy. We saw Albert Ellis, who invented REBT, which is a forerunner of CBT. This man was terrible!!! He wouldn't let his client get a word in edgewise. He talked over her in a loud voice, and wouldn't listen to her. He constantly interrupted her. He said about 10 words for her every one. Someone would pay to listen to a therapist talk for an hour??? He told her how all her thinking was wrong, etc., and tried to define her problems for her! It was just terrible. This is supposed to be therapy? If I had been with that rude man, I would have walked out.

Anyway, I think the CBT approach can be quite wrongheaded and not very healing. Maybe when it is mixed in reasonably sized doses with other forms of therapy, it might be better, at least for someone like me. I know CBT is supposed to be effective for depression, but it just seems so hurtful and well, "bossy." There is no room for the client to choose their own path. And the therapy seems focused on dealing with symptoms rather than identifying and dealing with the causes of dysfunctional behaviors. It's just a band-aid and will fall off in time, and there you are, right back with your wound, needing another band-aid.

So, hangingon, I really sympathize with you and your experience. It sounds very hurtful and not helpful or healing. I am so sorry. I think a good course is to gain confidence in your own thinking. If you are with a therapist who cannot truly listen to you and accept your thoughts and feelings, how will you ever gain confidence in your own validity?

I think you were very brave to speak up and tell her the negative effects her technique is having on you. Can she use some other techniques as well, or is CBT the only thing she knows? I did eventually need to leave my first therapist, because I became stuck, and had exhausted all the tools and skills in her CBT toolbox. My current therapist has many tools and approaches and chooses what works best for the client, rather than using a one size fits all approach, which is what I think a lot of CBT therapists do.

<-- me and my anti-CBT brigade

hangingon, do you know what type of therapy your new therapist provides?

Much as your new therapist sounds promising, I have also detected a growing willingness from you to confront your current therapist and tell her what you are truly thinking and feeling. You are telling her what's important, the needs you have, and what works for you and doesn't. This is great! There's definitely some trust there if you are able to do all of that. I hope she is able to accommodate this growth and change in you, and make a welcoming space for it.

My current T--No, never. But there are times when he can be directive, and I'm OK with that--sometimes the situation calls or it.

Good luck with T #2 tomorrow, hangingon.