you stated you "need to handle your grief differently". losing your parents is a big loss no matter when it happens. i too lost my parents (when i was a young adult). i still miss them a lot. my father died in 1968 (age 45) and my mom in 1985 (age 60). i can still feel the loss but as time went by the searing pain left and scars started to heal somewhat. it's a big hole when we lose our parents so i can totally relate to your grief. crying is a healthy reaction to grief....it's like we're vomiting up our pain....sorry for the graphic description...i was encouraged to let it all out... and send you big hugs . you sound like a wonderful woman that is slowly healing from within. i won't forget you in my prayers...as i stated earlier.
as for aa and the steps....initially all you need to do perfectly is just not drink...the rest will follow. i was so "worried" i wasn't "getting it" so much it drove me to drink!! my sponsor told me to focus on that first step and that was all i needed to do at first. she was soooo right. the spiritual stuff and all the other steps fell into place when my soul was starting to heal from this devastating disease i had. i can already "see" a higher power working in your life. be gentle to yourself...you are a sick person trying to get well...it took us time to get sick and it will take time for the wellness to occur. so go easy on yourself cause my gut tells me you are on the way to good things...