I've been feeling really bad lately, and I'm posting this here since it's about my friends.... I guess.

I have to real life friends, and their parents seem to despise me. One, because I began to hurt her daughters psyche because of my running over there alot to get away from my let's say " not so nice " father, I guess, and then the others parents hate me because I used to cut. Because of my scars. They are trying to take all my one friends things away, such as her belongings....and even her friendship with me. They wont even let her go to the mall with me. I'm feeling extremely lonely, two real life friends....and then the rest are online friends.

I'm feeling also extremely disconnected from my friends in real life and online. To me life seems like a dream and or movie...as previously stated. I'm starting to feel like I'm doing nothing right around them, and that they're getting disappointed in me... especially one in particular....

I don't feel alive anymore. I'm fearful I won't be able to pass my new technology class because my brain feels numb, as well I don't think I'll be able to pass my mathematics class because again my brain feels numb....but I must ....

A friend of mine online just told me I shouldn't cry. I have no reason. And " No wander I have no friends. Thank god I'm a pacient one " . That hurt me really badly....

I get no support from my family. They just yell at me and hurt me. And I've been going to therapy as of late too...and the more I talk to her, the more I realize the things my father does are not right.

For instance, he goes around the house naked sometimes. And then he constantly touches me...no sexually, just touches me...like lightly hits and pinches and such, for no reason. Like if I go in to talk to him...I'll be given a lecture on whatever subject he wants to give me a lecture on....and tapsped a few times. If I don't say thank you when he gets me things like school supplies...he calls me selfish....

My friends keep telling me what to do. " Chill " " calm down " " you need to relax " " Dont cry " ...ectcetera.

" Your the one who asked for advice "
" no I did not "
" I told you Id not tell you because I didnt want to upset you "
" tell me "

So I told.

" I can just leave you like the others did... would that make you feel better "

..... Quotes from my friend.

I've no right to be this way, no right at all.

Finally got new glasses...father wanted me to pretend I was 11 to get a discount....but I didn't want that, so I told t...she found a coupon, dad went to lens crafters with me to get glasses....but he's still giving me lectures on how I should have pretended I was 11...

When in truth, I'll be 16 in June...

I'm feeling extremely lonely...
Hated by both their parents. Disconnected. Cooped up in this house, no way out. People closed my case. Why bother though ? If they took me away, I'd loose my animals and belongings and everything I love. That would kill me too...

Liar...martyr....self centered *****...selfish....Manipulator. Don't cry. You shouldn't cry. No reason to cry...

-curls up and cries herself to sleep-

I do nothing right. Nothing right at all..

My ex bf... cheated on me three times after getting together with me and dumping me several times before that, then we nt with the girl he cheated with...

My ex girlfriend attempted suicide 3 times a few months after the end of our relationship, I watched her take pills on webcam...She said it was my fault that the relationship broke up. When in truth, she cheated on me in real life and lost her virginity to someone else...

My other ex boyfriend was a complete arse to me. I don't remember that to well...

- don't focus on the negative, focus on the positive. Easier said then done...what positive ? What positive I might ask...so very little positive...

No right to cry...

Martyr. Manipulator. Bad. wrong...selfish.....

I just want to cuddle my friends. Especially the one. Can't do. Can't touch. wrong. Bad. Want to comfort...wrong, bad, can't do....

yeah.... in other news though, I'm al right...

-closes the post-... say what you want...