my dear, youve been convinced by the media that to be a worthwhile person you have to be in a relationship.
you do not need a partner to be happy, and you do not need to want a relationship.

i believe that the media likes to give off the idea that you fail if you dont have a partner, which is false.
give yourself some time. dont be too hard on yourself.
abusive relationships are hard to get over, and its not immaturity that stops you falling in love, its normal. i would expect it almost.

i cant say i have experienced anywhere near as bad as you, but even i was scared of relationships for a long time.

if you wish to have a relationship, but dont feel ready, you can try to work on it, but dont feel like a failure or a waste if you dont get there. its not nessascary to live happily.
you sound like a good person anyway, you just need to find whats right for you, to make u feel good.
take care.