I went to see my new T again today. I'm in awe, its like she just gets me and I have not even shared much at all yet, we have just been talking about many different things.

She hears me, she seems to understand me. She will say things, and in my head, I will be like, oh my gosh, she gets me.

When I first went in I had my jacket and put it on my lap, she said you can sling that on the other chair if you want, or there is a hook over there, or if you feel more comfy you can leave it on your lap. I said yeh, I feel more comfy with it here, I like to have it if I get cold ect. So then she says well I have a nice blanket in the bottom draw and pointed where it was and said sometimes people like to wrap in it to warm up or sometimes just snuggling in it makes them feel safer. If you ever want to use that let me know. I said ok.
Then I thought, my other T never offered anything like that. My new one just has this sensitivity about her that I like. I am already feeling so much more comfy there.

Anyways, after that she asked me what I do for me, self care ect. I said well I have always taken care of my self, eat fine, sleep ok, ect. She said those things are wonderful. She says but what do you do for you that makes you feel good. Like a favorite food, place to go, tea, ect, something that just relaxes you and makes you feel good. I sat there in dumb awe lol, I have never even thought of things like that. I have never really thought about what really makes me happy. I just kind of live and do what I have to but don't pay attention to all those senses, smells, ect around me.

Then she says thats something that I would really encourage you to try to be more aware of, whether they are things that make you feel good or things that make you feel uncomfrotable, perhaps journalling them when they come up.
Another little insight that I really enjoyed hearing about.

Then she asked me about T, like what brought me in the first place. I said well it wasn't to deal with my past, I went with the intention of only dealing with the depression that sprang up while in school. She said so you disclosed during T, I said, well yes, but that was not my intention. My old T had asked me whether or not something like that ever happend, and I felt awful about lying, so I said yes, but gave no detail at that time.

We talked about more stuff after that. Then she sat forward in her chair and said, I need you know something. She said I want you to know I will never ask you who abused you, that is something I want you to be able to tell me on you own when you are ready and feel safe enough to do so.
I loved that, there was just this sincerity about her that I had never recieved before.

The last topic we talked about was my social life, I said I do have friends but they don't know what happened to me, they see me as this really strong person. She said how does that make you feel when they say you are so strong. I said I hate it, that inside I think if you only knew what I really feel. She said that must make you feel kind of lonely with no one knowing that side of you. She was right it does, I hate that I can't allow anyone into that part of my life.

I told her its my fault I can share with people but I don't. She said, its not your fault, thats and effect of what you went through. Its not your fault. Again this reassurance that I never received from my other T. There is just something about this new one that makes me feel safer for some reason, maybe because I think she understands me much more. There is this sincerity about her, perhaps that empathetic piece I have been missing in therapy for a long time.

Thanks for listening and encouraging.
Hanging on