Basic idea of what's going on:
I have depression. This summer/semester it has gotten very bad. My first meds gave me panic attacks, the second help but maybe not enough. I still get panicky/overwhelmed. I fell to self inflicting, although recently that has been better. At one point I was si'ing every day almost all day, even in FRONT OF MY BF. The school has put me on a medical leave. I am going home for break, hoping to return to the school area but maybe not.

I live with my bf right now and this past semester. He has seen me get worse and worse, be suicidal in thoughts and partially in action. He has held me to try to get me to stop si'ing, and I keep going at it like crazy.
I love him. Otherwise our relationship has been great. We've been together all of February this year and the rest of the year.

I have trouble accepting the fact that he had sex with his ex. I don't know what to do with these feelings and at this point he doesn't know what to say anymore, I DONT KNOW WHAT TO DO. My thoughts can be borderline obsessive at times. They're not together and have no chance of being. ya. I'm pathetic

Second, now he's at the end of his rope emotionally. My problems affect him because he loves me. He doesn't want me to go home, because I'll probably get worse if so. But he also needs me better soon.
I bother him with my worries about the ex, my feelings of hopelessness and despair, my inability to move away from the past and MOVE ON.

But that's mostly the depression. I try so hard, but now... I just make things hard

what to do
Any advice on the relationship and what to do?