hi chrise, i'm so glad you see the doc on friday. hopefully it will make a difference in this struggle you've been having with depression. i an relate to the descriptions you listed like, can't eat, can't sleep, etc. my best description of myself was a sea of blackness with a minutely small dot in all that void that was me. i was so exhausted. i felt like it took all the mental energy i had just to breathe air.
as for not being able to express how badly you feel i hope when you see the doc that you can just let it all out. hang in there, we are all very strong people that deal with depression. how can i say that? well, look at the struggles we endure yet we continue to strive to get better under adversity. don't lose sight of that inner strength you possess. i though my pdoc was nuts when he told me this and later realized it was true about myself. i am a strong person...and so are you! keep us posted. we care about you.