|
Simon, you do sound mature for your age. I was going to comment on that initially, but sometimes it sounds like a back-handed compliment: "Since you're so mature you should/shouldn't be blah blah blah."
I never got the 3rd degree from any of the women--it was just the first couple, but of course they asked what was going on. It got better with time. Most of the worst abuse came from my mother, so in a way I felt powerless with women; threatened.
A problem that came with the lack of relationships and limited sex experience was that I was so self-conscious of that and of intensely wanting that and trying too hard. Another problem that came from feeling so unattractive and of being afraid that no involvement would ever lead to anything but a platonic friendship is that I avoided developing things that were "just friends"--if I was interested in her, being "just friends" felt like a complete rejection by her. It was an "all-or-nothing" attitude that was harmful in the long run because I short-circuited things to stop becoming "just friends" or tried to push for something more prematurely that I missed out on relationship opportunities that might have developed. Or "just friends" which could have helped me learn to relate better to women in addition to having more friendships.
I think one of the worst ramifications of abuse is that it gets in the way of developing relationships with other people that would help you experience more trust, intimacy, and just being with others that might be the thing you need most.
|