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Old Dec 12, 2008, 09:59 AM
lulu59 lulu59 is offline
Junior Member
 
Member Since: Dec 2008
Location: Massachucettes
Posts: 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by srengel81 View Post
HI! I'm new to this forum.
Background: married a 26year man (im 27) in july at the courthouse. We bought a house together in august. We were having the big wedding on new year's eve. We've been together 1 1/2 years. We had bickering fights but nothing big. We were best friends and husband and wife (or so i was told constantly). He served two tours in Iraq and we got together a month after he came home. He wanted kids in June.
Current situation:
He left me a week before my bridal shower. He says he loves me like a sister or like his mom but fell out of love with me as a wife. We were intimate up to the day he dumped me. The night he dumped me I went to his parents to find out what to do and say about the wedding. He tells me now that that sealed the deal. He has been staying with an ex-friend of mine (one he called a psycho loser drama queen with no future) who happens to be an ex-gf of his best friend. He says he will date her after the divorce but not right now. This horrible girl (20 yrs old) has been texting me constantly. About how to take the bad to get to the good and SMILE you're being thought of. But she did turn the corner and told me when i asked her to relay a message to him about drill (b/c he changed his number and it was urgent) that I should get over it and move on b/c he's moved on. The illiterate girl wrote me that he has "her and their roomie to help he threw anything and promises he need's nothing from me now"- this made me laugh. But he asked me not to contact him, stay away from his friends (whom he didn't tell) and his family for 3 months. I have been doing what he asked but he did call me monday for 3 hours when he went to work and he came over and i was so sad i did make love with him. he said things just got more complicated, i've lost weight (15 lbs in the last month), the house looks great. He just stared at me in the car ride home. I tried to keep it casual (no i love you come back- it just pisses him off). He initiated a long kiss when he got out of the car. I didn't expect to hear from him tues but he called again when he got to work. I didn't hear from him last night which made me sad but I think he's playing games with me. The former friend sent me a pic of the xmas tree he bought them (almost identical to the one i set up) and then she posted on facebook to all our friends that she's in a relationship but its complicated.

I don't know what to do. I'm leaving him alone. I love him. This is NOT him. The him is usually quite sweet and generous. The him i know does not SKIP SCHOOL and WORK! He wants to party...they are more fun than me...i'm only a gnag and a complain jane. I feel like im playing by his rules but they are sending me messages to outright hurt me. He says he doesn't love this girl, would like to date her and be with her and then work on things with me 3 months after the divorce. I told him to come home he needs to apologize to our families, get an std check, stop seeing that whole group of people or talking or texting forever, and he needs to go to counselling. He said "no **** i'd give them up". How are they sooo important he can't give them up now but in 3 months he can? he says he never thought about dating her until i accused him of it when i found out he was sleeping on her couch. I cry all the time (started seeing a therapist today). I want to stop loving him. I want to stop thinking about this. I want to get over this as fast as he has gotten over me.
Please give me your point of view. Anything helps right now.
Sounds like he is having a mid life crisis but at a young age ,could be due to his tour in Iraq , he really does need some help. He also thinks the grass is greener on the other side not to worry little one , the grass is never greener on the other side. You need to step back & let him think this out. The old expression goes if you llove something set it free , if it doesn't come back to you , it never really was. Try to keep yourself busy with you friends and family. Try to restrain from giving all up to him when in his arms , let him think about what he wants.