darkeyes, thanks for your reply and your concern. Maybe I should've been more explicit in my reply to TgrsPurr.

I have tried practically every med out there, to the point that we're running out of meds to try for the rapid cycling and as far as my scary deep depression that leaves me the door of suicide, she will NOT give me anything more than I already have. I've tried to explain how bad my depression gets but she doesn't listen. She wants me to control my depressive cycle on my own, to which I try but don't have much success with at all.

Anyway, this is my current list of meds: Tegretol, Effexor XR, Wellbutrin, Klonopin and Xanax.

I have already tried and ruled out: Lithium, Depakote, Lamictal, Topomax, Celexa, Risperdal

I just don't know that meds do much for me other than the Xanax. I've often considered going med-free but that has been shot down very quickly by both my pdoc and t. As bad as my cycles are now, they were FAR worse before I was on any mood stabilizer, so they are probably right in saying that med-free would not be right for me.

What I would like is an increase in my ADs but it is falling on deaf ears, even though I have asked for months and told her that I'm often suicidal.

So, I'm left with trying to talk myself out of the depression or at least trying to control the intensity of the cycle.