I've tried my best and it's like no matter how hard I try, another thing just keeps going wrong.. Again and again it happens and I really don't know how much longer I can keep it up.. Connor and I are having a week or so away from each other but still in a relationship and it's making me feel so alone.. And Charlene last night threw a bottle at my door, hit it and then knocked on it, so I told her to ***** off, whilst on the phone to a friend, who didn't mind because she'd sai dexactly the same thing. As soon as I got off the phone, I turned my music up, so I could sing my heart out. It helped me, I chilled out for a bit then.

I didn't get to see my key worker today.. I had so much college work to do at college and didn't get back until about 4:30 and couldn't find her anywhere and my old key worker, alcohol worker here now, wasn't here anywhere either.. So I haven't been able to talk to anyone about this.

Just as I left here last night, Charlene and Sam were *****ing whilst I was there, about me (basically to me) about how I was "giving them evils". They wouldn't shut up, so as I stood up to leave, I said "Evils are childish and immature. That's why I don't give them."
Sam: "Yes you did, you f*cking *****!!"
"I think somebody needs a new pair of eyes deary"
"No, you twat, you're giving me **** for giving a f*cking statement and telling the f*king truth! What the *****'s wrong with that?! (whispers to charlene.. At least he's not getting charged)" and I thought.. For now!
and said: "Just because you're in a really s**tty place at the moment, Sam, doesn't mean you have to try and drag everyone else down with you. You're pathetic".
The door shut behind me just as she started mouthing off some more. I felt smug because I though 'hah. She's trying her very best to bring me down with her and she's mad because she's not getting her way, because I'm not going down that route again'.

But just thinking about it afterwards made me feel crappy because now everyone here hates me and I can't live in a place where everyone hates me.. I need to live in a place where people actuaally look up to me, just like everyone here used to.. Until Emily and Sam turned up..

*cries* I just don't know how much longer I can deal with all of this, you know? I don't mean all you on here want me gone.. Everyone else does.. And.. I'm sorry I can't get your CD done.. I'll make sure it's done as soon after xmas as possible, or I'll try and book into the recording studio next week.. I promise I will get it done for you and your daughter.. And I'm so sorry if it's not done by xmas