I wish I was right there beside you so I could give you a big hug and not let go until you moved... as you do not deserve to be hurting so much.

I see my own past life and marriage in your words (minus the physical abuse) and I am here to tell you that it can be fixed and that you can be happy with the man you love - but I am also here to let you know that sadly you will have to take the first step on your own and seek help from a T by your self (your husband will come with you to T in time - mine did).

Please know that there is nothing wrong or sinful about sexual pleasure / satisfaction between a man and his wife... the bed is undefiled and all things are acceptable as long as each partner is comfortable with it.