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Dec 12, 2008, 04:06 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: Notzville
Posts: 60,397
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I have those party problems but not as often as I used to. I am more comfortable in my own skin than I used to be! Lacking any good suggestions, I will share this story in hopes that I at least get you to laugh!
My first year in recovery (from drugs & alcohol) wasn't quite over and my spouse won a prestigious company award. An all expense paid trip to join other winners at a lovely resort for 7 days and 6 nights! It was lovely, every moment had been planned and no expense spared.
I knew in advance that the last night would be a black tie, formal dinner affair. Well, I'm not a glamour girl. I'd rather shovel manure than listen to it! I've never had a manicure nor pedicure in my life and consider it a waste on my pitiful nails. All this is to say I was in a gut wrenching tiZZy about what to wear for that night. Plus, I would not be drinking any alcohol which used to be my "social lubricant". So, I was stressed, do you hear me? Stressed!
After a wonderful week that night rolled around. I told myself I was going to go with the flow, stay in the moment and allow it to be what it was going to be. Ya know, all that stuff plus I knew, I could leave if I wanted/had to.
It wasn't anything like I had feared! I noticed so much--colors, textures, sounds, and people--things that hadn't/couldn't register on my alcoholic/pickled brain in years! I can't even begin to tell it all!
The waiters wore white gloves and I was just wide-eyed by the number of forks, number of courses and all the silver! We sat at a table where no one knew each other. I almost couldn't breathe from fear. But I mustered up some personal muscle and I turned my glasses upside down to signal that I wouldn't be having any wine or champagne and began the conversation! Me, I broke the ice and conversation flowed for all. That was big for this low esteem, mostly shy person. Just huge.
But back to what to wear, I drove the people in my A.A. group in circles about what to wear. I was afraid to go shopping because I'm not at all comfortable buying fancy clothes. Just the thought of the pretty sales help ladies helping me was beyond my level of comfort. Back then, I was convinced they were making some judgment about me! Crazy!
I ended up having a wonderful evening. Nothing bothered me! It couldn't--I was wearing a friend's dress! He was one of the people in my A.A. group. He took me aside after a meeting and said, "Honey, I've got a cocktail dress that'll fit you, all you have to do is take care of your shoes." So that's what I did. I wore a drag queen's dress to this la-di-dah event and if I felt the least bit shaky I remembered to think what my friend, Michael told me; "They can't touch you sweetie, you're wearing a drag queen's dress, which makes you stronger than them and downright bullet proof!" And I think he was right!
I don't know if you can get a dress like I did, the way I did! But what if you print this and take it with you, it might make you strong and bullet proof too! If nothing else, just know that we all travel with you wherever you go!
notz
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