phoenix7, lifelesstraveled and echoes,

its nice to hear that i am not alone in my concerns. validation is a hard thing to give ourselves or accept from others (atleast it is for me). and yet its also something that i desire, i suppose.

i guess im afraid that the therapist wont like me. it doesnt matter whether she does or not i try to tell myself. but its not the truth. i want her to like me. i want her to think im a good person. but if i let her inside my mind how will i be able to maintain that nice and friendly facade?
i hate being vulnerable. i hate having someone think, "geez - is that all there is? that's what you are worried about? or that's what you cant fix?"
other times i think they'll see that im so sick and twisted and that all the ugliness inside of me will cancel out any possible good.
im probably just neurotic anyway!

but i thank you guys for responding.
and Echo, it really made me stop and think, re-read what i wrote (as if i dont do that enough already) when you said you didnt even have to get down into it to find the answer to my question. thats an affirmation.

you guys hang in there and if you need to talk i am here.
sincerely,
clara