Sabby, wanttoheal, Bipolar_bear... thank you all for trying to understand.

I wish so much there were a safe place for discussing this. I wish I could sort it all out.

I will talk to my T about it. I have only seen this T three times, and am still very much in the getting to know each other phase. But I will work up towards talking to her about it, as it is crucial for my own growth and healing.

*****Trigger warning for talk of disbelieving recovered memories****

So many years of my life were spent recovering from memories that I no longer believe were true. Some of the abuse was true. Where is the middle road between saying all memories are true and all memories are false? How on earth can you figure out for yourself what is truth and what is not? What do you do when you KNOW that a particular type of your abuse memories are not true, yet you spent 10 long years of your life focused on dealing with them?

I want to be authentic and real. I want to be honest. I want to know my own truth, and own it.

I have lived in these extremes - utter denial of everything, and total acceptance of memories that are NOT real. I find neither is the truth. Neither is authentic. Neither allows me to be real.

I need to work up the courage to share my story with my T.

And you know what? there is no truth inside of me. insde there is nothing real. there isnt any truth to be found.