I feel your frustration with this Luce. I hope you can find a way to not be so hard on yourself though. I like what wanttoheal said
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I think all memory can have different views
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We all have our different ways of looking at our memories...sometimes we can find a way to rationalize and sometimes we think ... no way....not right. Moods and emotions can also alter how we think about things.
I hope that as you work through the "getting to know you" stage with T that you will find a safe place to speak about this. I think your T should be able to help you break this down into more manageable sections for you and it won't feel so huge and as frustrating for you.
Your truth is your truth hon.....no one here is judging. You will come to yours in time.....I'm sending you good thoughts and patience
sabby