I had never heard of boundaries until I started therapy with my current T. Even my first T never mentioned them. I never set any at all in my marriage. Or perhaps very early on in the relationship, they got trampled on and obliterated and I didn't stand firm. I don't know. I am not good at boundaries. I think I didn't learn how to have them when I was a child. The other thing I didn't learn until therapy is that you should tell people your needs. That never occurred to me. I didn't realize I had needs and would never tell anyone a need! That would be totally, totally stupid in my book--just opening myself up for hurt and rejection. What is so very puzzling to me is that some people just seem to know automatically how to set boundaries and tell people their needs. Where do they learn that? Why is it not hard for them? Not everyone goes to therapy to learn this stuff, some people just seem to know.

Kiya, that sounds like a hard session. I wasn't quite sure about your T's point. Was she trying to tell you that you had not been respectful of your mother's boundaries? And you felt you were, that your mom was just joking around?

Kiya, what kind of boundaries do you consider real?