(((Kiya)))
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Originally Posted by Kiya
"communication is the beginning after we have determined our personal needs/wants"
... myabe this is whr w ar running into troubl - if w don't know our needs or wants.... than we can't really fill them.
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Bingo! I think you've got it.
It can be really hard to focus on what we need, or heck, figure out what we need.
I think what the T's are trying to explain about boundaries may be 'correct', but I'm not sure it is really useful to you. Let me explain with an analogy...
Scenario number 1:
Lets say we are all eating together. There is a piece of apple pie for each of us. I just had a meal so I am not sure if I am still hungry. If someone else at the table tried to take my piece, I would probably let them. (weak boundaries)
Scenario number 2:
We are all eating together, and there is a piece of apple pie for each of us. This time I *know* I am still hungry. Someone else tries to take my piece...I will probably say, 'sorry, this is mine'. (firm boundaries)
If I know I need to eat more, it is much easier to stand up for what I know I need. Whereas if I'm not sure if I'm hungry or not, it will be much easier for someone to take my share.
Ok, yes, this could all be talked about in terms of boundaries, but perhaps it would make more sense to talk about it in terms of what you need. IMHO, once you know what you need, the boundaries take care of themselves.
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T also reminded me that I am not ok with her and my other dr's (all at the same clinic) talking and because of that I said "I feel like I have no boundaries here".
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I'm sorry T responded to you like that, and good for you for speaking up for yourself! The fact that you are uncomfortable with the situation is important, because it bothers you for a reason.
It worries me that so many psychological terms are being used...maybe that is useful for the Drs when they talk, but it does not seem to be useful to you. Maybe that is part of why you are not ok with it??
Many warm thoughts for all of you
