Thank you.. I just wish sometimes that I could see that I am worth the help that so many people offer me.. I mean.. I want to go and talk to Nick about these girls, today.. but I'm too scared that he doesn't care, that he doesn't want to know, that he think's I'll just be whining..

It's the way I was brought up.. I guess being fostered and then adopted didn't help my self esteem, made me feel like I wasn't worthy of happiness.. And then my adoptive family being such tw*ts to me didn't help either, because they were the ones taht told me I wasn't worthy of happiness or anything, they were the ones who told me to cut and such.. And laughed at me when I stopped eating..

I really do know what's right and what's wrong, but sometimes I get so easily dragged into trouble by people. I got threatened with license points which basically means I get closer to being kicked out, because of Charlene being noisy and i was there at the time.. So i got into trouble for it too..

I guess I'm just keeping myself to myself now and having my music as loud as I like, learning the songs that I need to, which means my college work will start to get better.. I hope... I have an assignment in for Tuesday and I haven't even managed to get the brain storms and mind maps done yet, because last Tuesday I was with the police so couldn't do it, and I've been so bogged down with writing songs for college and other essays that it's dragging me down.. I have to write the essay with almost no information and I really can't do that.. And I'll probably get another disciplinary.. Even if I explain that I was raped.. ever since this happened, work's been slipping.. I only just finished an essay that was due in for yesterday, in the lesson yesterday that it was for.. I got it done, but still.. It should have been finished before the lesson.. But then.. I was away for a few ofthe lessons..