thanks everyone, you're right I really need to get better. I've been calling psychiatrists, because the one I was using before was through the school and now I have no access to her
I have a good therapist, but only have one session before I have to go back home, and from there I don't know if i'll stay up here or not, we'll see.

meander, thanks for your personal experience- my boyfriend and I have talked about my depression and its affect on the relationship, we both feel that it's taking away "us" and sometimes just like it's hard to see me, it's hard to see "us" sometimes. He more than me says we're still there. He feels horrible for doing this (he's a great guy), but he's admitted both to himself and me that he's at the end of this rope, and that he NEEDS me back next semester; he can't hold the strain of what he was handling the past one. I hate that I've put him in this position. I'll really try, it helps to know that you've been there and made it

thank you both, your replies do help to focus me on what I need to do