Just some things I would like to share from my session...

I was telling T about a 'conversation' I was having with my (deceased) father. Then I told T that right after it, I self-injured.

T started to say something, but then stopped and said, "Nevermind."

I said, "Whooaa, you can't do that! I don't care if i'm the patient here, we are both therapists and no one is allowed to start a statement, and not finish it."

T told me, "I was going to say something sarcastic, but decided not to."

I answered, "It find it interesting that you will describe what the comment was, but you won't actually say it."

(I think there was a weird role reversal going on here).

Then T said, "Well, I was angry at you. I get mad when you cut yourself. I don't want you to cut yourself anymore."

The next day, I realized this was major stuff. No one had ever said they wanted me to stop cutting. No one ever made it seem like they were angry cause they care and just really want me to stop. Everyone has either ignored it, or made sure that I know how disturbing/disgusting it is. T is the first person who seems to be saying-- I care about you, so that's why I'm angry that you cut. I want you to stop. I called T yesterday and left him a message telling him that I could see myself going down a bad path, again, with my SI. I asked him to call me back because I need to make a verbal contract with him. I told him I would stick to the contract because I trust him.

T called me back and the best thing that he did was let me know how glad he was that I had reached this insight, and decided to reach out to him for help with stopping. T and got into a short, but in-depth discussion about the behavior. It ended with a verbal contract. "So we have a deal," said T. "Yes we do," I told him.

Another thing that happened in session was that I was talking to T about what it meant to feel love for him. T told me, "When you talk about your father, I could cry. I am so touched even though I hate the word touched... rather, I am so moved by your experience that even though it didn't happen to me, and I can't feel exactly what you are feeling, I can feel so much."

(I love how he expressed that he hated the word "touched" in the middle of all of this because I know exactly what he means-- and he knows I would hate that word, too, because it seems too generic and Hallmark-like).

I bring up these two examples because even though they are very different, they are both very much the same. In one instance, T was mad at me (because he cares). In the other, T was expressing an emotion very different from anger. Both are examples of empathy, and best of all, both are real.

I love the point I am in at in my relationship with T where it can get so real in the session that T will tell me he is angry at me, and instead of getting even the least bit upset or anxious, I just ask him why. And instead of having to even think, "OMG T is angry at me, he's gonna kick me out" (the way I used to) that doesn't even enter my mind. Rather, I am so glad that T cares enough to get angry because of SI. And I am so glad that our relationship is close and open to where he can admit it.