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Dec 13, 2008, 08:09 PM
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Member Since: Oct 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 8,135
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Luce
A new person has recently joined my team. She is, in effect, my immediate boss. The issue is... she touches me. In casual conversation she puts her hand on my shoulder or touches my arm. I can't stand it - I find it quite triggering.
Until now I have only tried to communicate my discomfort with it to her non-verbally. When she reaches out to touch me I step away (usually she steps towards me so I am within reach again, and I in turn keep backing away from her). Sometimes I move so there is a physical barrier between us, and sometimes I busy myself with other work while we chat so that I am always moving out of her reach.
But, she isn't reading my non-verbal cues. She always keeps moving towards me, no matter how much I step away / turn away from her / put physical barriers between us. And she keeps on touching me.
I realise that she is not deliberately trampling on my boundaries. She comes from a different cultural background from me, where touch is normal and appropriate and a natural part of communication. In her culture, touching during conversation [I
is[/I] respectful. So... if I want my personal space - my boundary - respected, I am going to have to explicitly tell her that I do not like to be touched and I don't want her to do it.
I know it will probably offend her at some level. It may feel like a personal rejection to her. but I *need* to find the courage to discuss it with her, because I do not want to feel triggered and afraid throughout my working day,
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I had the same thing - she didnt take up the non-verbal queues so in the end I had to say "it's nothing against you but i don't like to be touched " ms no personal boundaries then said "Why' and I said it's personal - that was the end of that - she occassionally goes to touch me thenI see her draw back - i dont want to make her feel uncomfortable but its better than me having a flashback - P7
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