ive had to be cranky some lately about some matters and its making me think all the various situations in my mind over some more.. first, i dont like being cranked off... i wanted to say i hate it, but i dont like using the word hate either.. so im left with just saying how it is that im feeling...

tired, excited... wait, that doesnt mix.... i slept a lot today cause i needed it or so my body thought so... i woke up disturbed... earlier in the day mom asked me to pick up her new bottle of rum... it was moment of truth time... i said no and it went better than i had been worrying it would go... but those tears tear me up and she had a hard time saying i love you this time... what was weird was that there was no fighting or anger... different than in the past but now that i think about it, ive never refused to get her alcohol before... its killing her i know....

i left the house for the day and did some thinking and meditating and trying to imagine options... i told mom i love her and told her she can call anytime.... she said ok...

i came back tonight and she is sleeping.. no signs of drinking.....

ive been a little cranky with the kids lately too but they are sunshine and dont hate me yet..... i dont try to be mean, i really care and want to explain some things about health to them... about how good health is better... they believe me and since they are kind of having some issues getting independent right now, they are ready to hear about simple matters like better health and self reliance...

i didnt see any news today, i didnt hear any on the radio either.. i know theres some suffering happening and i pray for it to end and for us all to have more joy, peace, and understanding as we grow through this and become more of who we each individually are.... i know there are parts of our world that ive yet to see and much of the Earths greatest beauties are found near and far, just like us... love to all of you always..